it pains me.

to hear radiohead's masterpieces being butchered/distorted into irrecognizable mishmash of sounds and head banging, tummy churning videos.

and by credible artists' too.

stop it!stop it i say!

From the back seat.

gurgling with excitement,
words evade,
cracked lips pursed tight,
again, fingers falter,
trying to convey an experience,
for your imagination,
for my memory.

what was today.

~~~~

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!

those weren't words exaggerated to amplify my state of mind,
to clarify,
the state of my stomach at this very moment.

~~~
what a start to the semester.

the 9am start got the better of me,
but talk over a lunch of spinach pie, a shared admiration for steven levitt,
a brunette haired foreigner, passionate crazed academicians!(woohoo!), 15 minutes with mountain weekend trip-ers,
turned my day upside down.

Good times for the record, before 'life' stabs me from the back again.

~~~~

HAPPY 21st WINDY LINDY!
the 'windy' sticks,
through greying hairs, saggy boobs and wrinkled foreheads.

all over again.

let the 'crazy' begin.

to be.

fearless.
unstoppable.
a force to be reckoned with.
warrior princess. aheh.
HAPPY.

a milestone age indeed.

sad but true.

for those who don't read JeffOoi.com,



the latest political developments back home.

SCANDALOUS.

think otherwise.

i thought i had it.
but i don't.

DISCIPLINE.

Bible Study and black sesame bubble tea.
Homebrand scorched peanuts and late night safeway strolls,
the former you should never try.

if.

I was home,

I would have just risen,
In shorts,
holding on to the rails, kicking loose the fragile pieces,
Ageless china, red chopsticks,
My bottom on cold marble,
I savagely toss the contents of wheat and meat,
attacking every morsel.
Drew Carey 'tings' and Brady taps.
Not one to lose, I humbly attack today's media clowns,
burst of flavour and pods of seeds swirling on an inflamed tongue,
The greedy esophagus monster gleefully awating the smooth translucent sheet,
Cheecheongfun.

Instead,

Two hours too early,
Having been stirred by the bitter cold,
Hood over head,
I stumble from under my sheets,
Cursing the weather.
Project Runway plays,
The constant continous whirr of heat,
droning the voices of gay men and the *cough fashion forward,
A peanut butter jelly sandwich, a hot cuppa.
I run back to bed, shivering under the doona,

Blocking out what it is to be.

I don't know what I'm doing here.
Clearly, I don't belong.

cliche(s).

i can have anything i wanted,
yet still
lack everything.

~~~~~

The natural supply of water, which came by common providence, failed; but the miraculous supply of food, made sure to him by promise, failed not.

Matthew Henry's Conscise Commentary on 1 Kings 17:1-7

i'm calling it a night.

finally!
some semblance of life!

conversations no longer revolve around assignments, marks and microeconomics.
by far the toughest semester i've had to wade through.
the struggle, all worth it.
passionate and infectious lecturers made this semester somewhat more bearable.

nomore nomore, posts on days spent at the library!
for the next month or so at least.

but that also means no more mornings waiting for coffee at paninibar?
and those library mates, and study buds.

it was good while it lasted.
thank you, you and You, for putting up with me.

don't you dare.

last paper, last paper tomorrow!

bright and sunny out today,
i hopped down the streets today, kicking my heels with every step,
a silly grin plastered on this washed out pale humdrum yellow moon like face of mine.

oh thank God for bringing me through this 3 weeks/entire semester.
and now, my last paper only 28 hours away.

oohh joy!
i pray and i trust that nothing will rain on my parade tomorrow!

till the break of dawn.

because i'm no quitter.

and neither are you : )

chugchugchug away.

under there, under where?

because funny things happen under the table.

~~~
what did I get myself into!

math is such a chore!

dahla, i don't know what's going on in lectures 3/4 of the time.

breathejennybreathe.

~~~

'why do I keep behaving irrationally', 'I finally understand auctions', 'completeness,transitivity, continuity'...

microeconomics geek speak.

what some of my friends have on as their msn personal messages.

hohumm : /

Bring on your A-game.

switch on, switch off.

so much for being stressedforlife.

i've written three emails, spent about half an hour threading uni grounds collecting my assignments, rereading my economic development assignment with head draped over stacks of paper, stuffing banana and lindt alternately into mouth.

and now, i'm on blogger, hands a flutter, fingers flailing clumsily over the keyboard, waiting for the digital numbers to change to magical 6.00p.m.

i'm deliriously happy if you can't tell.

a lethal combination of kickarse assignment results (thank you Jesus!) and absolutely hilarious lecturers/ lecture slides, and the thought of good coffee on a Saturday morning!

after my episode yesterday, there can be only one reason for this.

Thank You.

train wreck.

a series of mistakes.

never have i ever been more disappointed with myself.

enough. i've said more than necessary.

first paper jitters.

what i'm holding on to,

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and self-discipline.

2 Timothy 1:7

only 10 minutes!promise!

because i'm waiting for this feeling to pass.
i feel like breaking out into song and dance!

if you're taking study break like I am,



thanksoj : )

another one of those days,

melb is losing its novelty.
sure i've come to love it for what it is,
but it still doesn't feel right somehow.

i nak balik la.

whoever said the grass was greener on the other side,
should be shot in the head.

: /

dancedance.

its 3, on most nights, i'll be fast asleep.

right now, i'm not the least bit tired.
what is wrong with me?

at this hour, the floodgates of ideas, the filters fail to function.

~~~~
i enjoy this degree of anoymity i have.
the circle of friends i have here in melbourne, i would like to think know nothing about this space of mine. (and if you do, please do not aknowledge it, please and thank you)
i owe no one apologies, no obligatory thank yous, no need to address a particular person for their graciousness.
not confined to fitting in the mould they have formed of me.
i am enjoying the freedom of being unpredictable with my writing.

ipod is on shuffle, from radiohead, mraz plays, and then we've got lupe rhyming my night away.

i've not experienced such freedom in a while. now to bask in it.

goodnight world : )

go on,

write your own story.

babysteps, babysteps, you'll get there : )

Alarm Bells!

This escaped my attention last year.

This is what you get from mainstream newspapers,

Sarawak to Build 12 Dams to meet Future Power Needs
http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2008/7/23/nation/21894319&sec=nation

This, they choose to ignore,

‘Green’ dams hasten rape of Borneo forests
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/asia/article5908207.ece

I'm not the most eloquent of speechwriters, so I can only go 'wthwthwthwth'.

I am aware of environmentalists and their 'extremists' predispositions,
but,
12 dams in Sarawak when you've made a white elephant out of the Bakun Dam,
no weaker excuse than this to make more money for yourself Taib.

How tempting it is, to go 'screw you and your cronies', but I shall restrain.
breathjennybreathe.

Oh, I only realised this 3 days ago whilst researching for my paper,
The great divide between West and East Malaysians.
This I will save for another day.

~~~

It just hit me,

My dad once told me of how a friend of his was blacklisted from entering Sarawak, because of how he was a anti-logging protester/activist of sorts,

If I recall correctly, it came as a warning from my claims as a 15 year old, that one day, 'I'm going to save the forests of Borneo'.

ahh, the naivety in my speech.

Its never too late.